The Angel Right Beside Me

I can’t believe that just one short month ago my life changed so much. One month ago I lost you, my baby sister. 

1 month. 30 days. 731 hours. 43,860 minutes. 

It feels like it has been an eternity, yet it seems just like yesterday we were sitting on the couch, laughing until we both had tears in our eyes.

I wish that I could cuddle up next to you and hold you one last time.

I wish I could hear you laugh,

See you smile,

Or hold your hand.

The past month has seemed like a dream especially the week you passed away.

I keep running through it in my mind, being there during those last hours of your life, watching as you took your last breath. 

Going thru the motions as we prepared for our final goodbyes.  Seeing your lifeless body and holding your cold hand.  It was you, but it didn’t feel like you.  

And now…

I feel empty inside.  I feel that there is a place in my heart that is aching for you.  There is someone missing when our family gathers ‘round. 

My heartache is minimal compared to that of our parents.  Watching them lose you makes me grieve all over again. It is hard to imagine the loss that they feel.  It is hard to watch the sadness in their eyes.  My heart aches to take their pain away.

I try and go about my day but every little thing reminds me of you.  I mask my emotions so that I am able to take care of my family, but the sadness is always there.  

I want to cry but that won’t change anything.

I want to curl up in a ball and fall asleep so that I can wake up and this will all be over. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

Sister,

I am here and I have never left your side.

I was there with you through the hardest week of your life, the week that you had to say goodbye to my earthly body. 

I was there, comforting you and helping you as you spoke at my funeral.

I was there, holding you as you cried alone last night.

I was there, watching you go about your day as if nothing were wrong, trying to be strong for your boys.

I am finally free from my mortal trials.

I am free from the pain my physical body endured.

I can talk, I can walk and I can sing.

I am the woman that I always was.  I am the woman that He created so perfectly. 

The time is now for your baby sister to take care of you.

I am here and I will never leave your side.